Day One: Face your fears

Ok, here goes nothing.

As I said in the previous post, I’ll be participating in NaDeNeFoMo.  I decided that since I’m a lazy SOB that I’d fry up several things at once and post one per day.  Because why spread it out, when I can OD on fried foods on a Saturday??

I kicked off this week by starting off easy (I’m saving the ham & cheese croissant for later).  Let’s get this party started!!!

  • Entenmann’s chocolate frosted donuts
  • Matt’s Chocolate Chip & Pecan cookies
  • Babybel Cheese (shout out to Jen O. for that suggestion!)
  • California Roll
  • Cornichon (or gherkin for you Dirty Dancing lovahs)
  • Marinated artichoke heart

So, ok…I started with the chocolate donut.  I gotta be honest, this was REALLY tasty.  I decided I would batter everything, so the crunchy tempura was nice with the frosting that got a little melty and the cake part got warm and squishy (TWSS).

All in all, a successful first outing.  It didn’t last.  OOOOOF.


Ok, so the food baby I currently have is nothing compared to what I WILL have.

Grossest first sentence ever written right there.  Here’s the deal, since I’m not a writer I don’t do the whole NaNoWriMo and thankfully the only body hair I’ll be dealing with is the stuff on my legs not on my face.

Conceived and birthed by the lovely Sarcasmically, I’ll be participating in National Deep-frying a New Food Month or as popularly hashtagged by #NaDeNeFoMo.  I’d like to start with falafel, but we’re taking suggestions and putting together a comprehensive list.  I’m guessing it will be posted at the Tumblr.

I AM TERRIFIED.  Someone hold me.  Or participate as well!!!  Wheeeee!!! FATASS!!!

**rubs belly**

Maybe some of the funny will rub off??

So, seeing as how I am the least funny person on earth right now, I figured I’d steal a post from a good friend.  Don’t worry, she’s recovering nicely from the mugging I gave her.

Please to enjoy some guest post love from one of the funniest people I know. 

PS: leave your comments as you normally would…I’ll make sure she gets em’.

My Introduction to Online Dating, starring Captain Enthusiasm & Mescaline Man.

Have you ever seen that one movie where Winona Ryder is in the psych ward with that much hotter chick?  What’s her name?  Oh, right, Dick-sucking Lips Jolie.  And the movie is Girl, Interrupted.  Okay, so imagine how Winona Ryder’s character feels in that sad excuse for a movie.  She’s locked up with all those crazy people and she doesn’t think she’s crazy, but she’s in there with them, so she must be crazy, right?  That is what online dating feels like.

Online dating is a foray into a virtual psych ward.

I joined an online dating site last week; I’m an online-dating virgin and, truth be told, I was just not prepared for such a variety of fuckwads.  I don’t deal with a large general population often; I live in a small town and my employer is a small company and it’s been a long time since I was around a large sampling of the general population.  I guess I had forgotten how “unique and special” every little fucking snowflake is.

The first (okay, the first one that counts, meaning the first one with acceptable spelling/grammar) message I got that I replied to was from a man who was witty, well-spoken, and not a total ass-kiss.  A few messages later we somehow got on the subject of drug use, and I stated my position– that being:  I don’t do drugs, and while I won’t judge a person who does, a drug user is not someone I’m going to choose to be around.

His reply left me speechless, although I do appreciate his honesty:  “I like to do mescaline, or take all my prescription painkillers and chase it with a six-pack.  Anyway, when’s a good time to call you?”

Hmmm.  Probably never, Mescaline Man.

Then yesterday I got a message from a guy whose interests are similar to mine and also, yes, he is just ridiculously good-looking.  I wasn’t counting my eggs before they hatched or anything, but I was excited to talk to this guy.  After a long string of emails, we exchanged phone numbers, texted a bit, and said goodnight.  BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

This dude has sent me a text message every two hours for the past 24 hours.  At first I didn’t reply because I was at work and my phone was off.  When I turned on my phone to see nine texts waiting for me (five pictures of him in various reclining positions on his couch, four odes to my awesomeness) I’ll admit I didn’t reply because my What The Fuck Meter was deep in the red zone. 

Do I give Captain Enthusiasm the benefit of the doubt?  –Because if I’m being honest, I smell stalker potential written all over this one.

I had no idea when I joined the dating site that it would be such a goldmine of potential awfulness.  I have decided to stick it out and mock the cheesiness of the experience even while I engage in it.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?

PS.  Just got another picture text from Captain Enthusiasm.

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