You did this. I blame you and you deserve it. If you only knew the damage you were causing…well, I’m not sure you’d care anyway.
You were supposed to hold my little gloved hand. You were supposed to protect your little girl. You were supposed to care when I could have died.
You were supposed to love me so that I could learn what it was like to love. But you didn’t. And I don’t.
You were supposed to want me so that I wouldn’t have to seek out being wanted from people who never did.
But you didn’t.
And you don’t.
“Will you go to the dance with me?”
“Nothing in particular, what did you have in mind?”
Lost connections you wish you’d never lost.
Every time a new possibility, a lost opportunity and the life feels sucked from me.
I wonder why me. Why not me.
I wonder why I bothered to change in the first place. I was miserable, but knew where I stood.
I’m ready to go.
Year two, off to commune and love and hug and cry and do hippie crazy shit again.
Only this time, I’ve been promised beef jerky and grilled cheese sandwiches.
I’ll be back soon, refreshed and likely with a shiny new mindset, ready to face the challenges ahead.
If you need me, I won’t be checking anything, I’ll be the girl hiding in the skeleton of the giant redwood tree, reading a book or snoozing in a hammock, or doing anything but being here (here being the internet).
Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone!